Disclaimer: This entry is based on a conversation with a very "young at heart" man. His views may be different from your own. My take on this might change by tomorrow. He might be more vain than regular guys. This is just an insight, nothing's set in stone... Enjoy!
Jaime is a few years younger than me, he doesn’t know it but he’s still young enough to spill the secrets of the trade to the Buckaroo without too much prompting from me. How do I describe Jaime? Apart from being young and successful, he has a way with the ladies, hence the nickname he has borrowed from US star LLCoolJ (Ladies love cool James). So after going through some icky emo-stuff I cornered Jaime with the question, “Why do (grown) men act funny when a woman starts to like them back?”
Following is the, ahem, conversation I had with him:
Buckaroo: So, ayise (friend), tell me, why is it that men act so weird? when a woman a guy has taken his time pursuing does actually begin to fall for him, the guy becomes aloof all of a sudden. What's up with that?
Jaime: (With glee) Well, it’s actually like a game of ball. You start by noticing a woman you like and you know in the back of your mind that she’s not the type that is going to say “yes” to you right away. She has misgivings about you….sometimes those misgivings are validated, like perhaps you are seeing someone else already, or perhaps they are not validated at all like she feels you are they type that would break her heart
Jaime: ….but you know, when you see that there’s at least a 50 % chance that she finds you interesting, at the very least, you devise a plan.”
Buckaroo: Wow, it takes that amount of forethought?
Jaime: Definitely, you want to “play ball” just right. So as a guy, you imagine yourself on a court. You have full ball possession depending on how long it takes to woo her. Full ball possession is going to great lengths trying to impress her. She may at times make you feel like an idiot as you “pursue” her but you don’t get shame get to you. You know what you are doing. You say the right things, you spend a lot of time with her, you know, run the whole gamut.
Buckaroo: (with keen interest) Aha!
Jaime: Yeah, then she begins to crack. You answer her every “but Jaime what about this and what about that?” with a sweetly ambiguous answer. You don’t want to make false promises, and you don’t want to lose the trust you’re building . When you get to the point where she’s asking you questions using “but”, you know it’s almost time to change ball possession?
Buckaroo: Say what?
Jaime: (gesturing animatedly) Ball possession. See, once she begins to consider the possibility of a relationship despite the misgivings she has, you know it’s time to throw the ball to her.
Buckaroo: And how does that happen.
Jaime: Lead her to a point where she stops asking all the deep questions. Let her have fun with you, make her feel you, the dude, is doing all the work. Then pass the ball.
Buckaroo: Explain please…
Jaime: You stop calling. She has to hunt you down. You start hanging with your buddies, you become BUSY. She has to decide how she’s gonna play the ball now.
Buckaroo: (Confused) But, but…she’s not aware she has this “ball”
Jaime: That’s where the fun comes in. That’s when she begins to pursue you without her knowing it at first.
Buckaroo: This doesn’t sound right at all!
Jaime: (Snickering) you women give us so much strife it’s only fair that you know what it feels like.
Buckaroo: But why do this to someone you profess to “LIKE”
Jaime: The “liking” doesn’t stop. We still like the girl but want to know how hard she’ll need us. What she’ll do to “win” us back into a mutual ball possession
Buckaroo: People actually do this?
Jaime: Heh, Heh, you didn’t hear it from me
Buckaroo: So, what happens next?
Jaime: If she’s a prideful woman, she expects the man to take the “ball” back no matter what, usually she’ll end up losing the man. Some women choose to take up the ball handling responsibility, we take the back seat and enjoy the ride. We don’t know where the ride will take us, if she plays the game well, maybe the ride takes us to a solid relationship and marriage. Hah hah, who knows……? You know what the say, 'A wise woman builds (a good relationship) with her own hands and destroys it with her own hands." It's all in her hands.
Buckaroo: But that's unfair, if she does all the work, men label such a woman as needy, desperate, all loose
Jaime: She has to take her chances
Buckaroo: But won't you label her that?
Buckaroo: Depends on what?
Jaime: On what measures she uses
Sick, isn’t it? I think it’s rather childish behavior and spiteful. Does it matter what I think though, someone out there is doing this to some innocent woman as I type. Sadly, Jaime’s words ring true, I have seen it happen so many times but never explained so simply. Thank you Jaime for telling me this, I’m using your words to sober up women who have been, are, or will be engaged, albeit, without knowing it in this ball game of folly. The older bachelors polish this routine up to a shine and it’s hard to detect. Teenagers are brasher. It’s all the same. Even some married men dabble in this routine. Girls, women, Let God alone bring you your man. God won’t bring you an imposter who’ll waste your time and energy, and make your hands all rough playing some sad, sad ball game. Let these types of men waste THEIR time and not yours!